Let me share you two most simple yet very powerful and effective tools to suffocate someone. You are free to use them in any conflict. And if you are a parent\/ teacher\/ manager\/ boss\/ community leader\/ politician you can use them to your advantage to really corner any subordinate.<\/p>\n
Those simple and effective tools are GENERALIZATION and GIVING A LABEL<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cYou are a lazy fellow\u201d , \u201cYou never pick my phone\u201d , \u201cYou are always late\u201d , \u201cMuslims\/Hindus are our enemy\u201d , \u201c You never complete the assignment\u201d , \u201cI am never able to complete any task\u201d , \u201c I always suck\u201d , \u201cPeople who support Congress\/BJP\/AAP are Anti Nationals\/Fools\/Idiots\u201d , \u201cYou are in Maya\u201d , \u201cI can never get up early\u201d \u201cShe can never cook properly\u201d , \u201cHe always stays unclean\u201d \u201cYou are insincere\u201d \u201cYou are not surrendered\u201d \u201cYou can never do that\u201d \u201cYou are not serious for spiritual life\u201d \u201cYou are attached\u201d \u201cShe is a feminist\u201d \u201cHe is a fanatic\u201d<\/p>\n What happens when someone tells you \u201cYou are a lazy person\u201d . The immediate response is either to fight back\u2014\u201cI am not lazy, you are crazy\u201d. To fly away \u2013\u201cOh I am lazy, I can never improve\u201d or freeze , in which I feel hurt but somehow I try to numb myself with some distraction so that I don\u2019t feel the pain. For some, this means either to sleep for straight 8 hrs, for some to watch videos on internet for straight 4 hours to distract from real issue. Different for different folks. Some would start working really harder, some gets addicted to various substances and habits.<\/p>\n Even the Media communications trainers tell you that it is easiest to defeat any argument that involves generalization. You just need one incident\/example to prove otherwise. The other day someone was mentioning something to me about \u2018Christians\u2019. I had to narrate just one personal experience of knowing one Christian friend who is nice, sincere practitioner, open minded. The entire narrative was defeated. But this article is not about defeating someone or winning an argument. So I won\u2019t go in that direction.<\/p>\n Generalization or labelling someone puts the dynamic living entity into a kind of \u201cBox\u201d. The spirit soul is active, dynamic force with each new moment of life. When we take that living entity and put it in a box of generalization and labelling , it is self defeating in the purpose. For example, why would you tell someone that you are a lazy person. One reason is because you are frustrated. But deeper than that is you wish him\/her to improve. Does it really help? On the contrary ,It makes the person believe that\u2026ahhh I am lazy, let me sleep for another 2 hrs. \u2026.Why complete assignment this one time? This would not change my impression of never completing assignments. Why make an effort at all?<\/p>\n That\u2019s one of the most handy tools for politicians as well. Divide people into friends and enemies. These countries or communities or section are \u2018enemies\u2019 \u2026 These are \u2018friends\u2019 Or as they say, give dog a bad name and hang it. People start thinking and speaking by clubbing together entire institutes\/ communities and Nations. JNU\/ Hindus\/ Muslims\/ Christians\/ India\/ Pakistan\/ BJP\/ Congress\/ AAP\/ Leftist\/ Right wing\/ Bhakts\/ Blacks\/ Whites\/ Western\/ Eastern\u2026endless list.<\/p>\n Remember a scene from a famous Bollywood movies, where it was imprinted on boy\u2019s forehead \u201cMera Baap Chor Hai\u201d<\/p>\n When generalization and labelling happens, chances for resolving any conflicts become very dim. The entire \u201cbeing\u2019 of the other person is on stake now.<\/p>\n Also, The same incident can be evaluated in two entirely different ways:<\/p>\n You sleep for 7hrs \u2013 You are wasting valuable time<\/p>\n I sleep for 7 hrs \u2013 I am recuperating. I am balanced person.<\/p>\n You works for 10 hrs- workaholic<\/p>\n I work for 10hrs \u2013 Determined<\/p>\n What\u2019s the alternative? Simple yet challenging. State your observation without mixing it with your personal judgement. Judgement has its place. Just don\u2019t mix it with the observation. This means to be as specific as possible with zero judgement and evaluation. Just like a camera snapshot \u2013 Camera simply captures what\u2019s there. Doesnt comment upon it.<\/p>\n For example :<\/p>\n \u201cYou are lazy fellow\u201d \u2013 \u201cI noticed that you woke up at 11am from last three days.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou never pick my phone\u201d \u2013 I called you 5 times in last 2 days but my call was not answered.<\/p>\n \u201cI am never able to complete any task\u201d \u2013 On new year, I said to myself that I will practice Harmonium everyday for 30 minutes. But I have not practiced from last 2 days.<\/p>\n \u201cShe can never cook properly\u201d \u2013 \u201cI noticed the sabzi had less salt than I would have liked to have\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe always stays unclean\u201d \u2013 \u201cHis clothes were wrinkled and the socks has black dirt beneath them.\u201d<\/p>\n When there\u2019s something specific in communication without any tinge of personal judgment, its much easier to connect, much easier to resolve differences, brings clarity and is liberating. It actually honors the dynamic living entity. It saves time and energy from having to deal with armor of the other person.<\/p>\n It states plain fact without labelling anyone. One can breathe. People start feeling safe in your presence. They can be their natural selves. You would know how to hold people accountable.<\/p>\n Ofcourse, it would take some practice to do that. Practice of taking a pause, reflecting..what am I observing? What am I responding to? What am I upset about?<\/p>\n Lord Krishna states that to speak words that are truthful, pleasing and not agitating to others as one of the austerity of tongue.<\/p>\n anudvega-kara\u00e0 v\u00e4kya\u00e0 Austerity of speech consists in speaking words that are truthful, pleasing, beneficial, and not agitating to others, and also in regularly reciting Vedic literature.[Bg 17.15]<\/p>\n The same goes with expressing appreciation and gratitude. Instead of saying you are a such nice person, If you would say, I appreciate your donating a blanket to that needy person, it would be much more connecting and relishing for the other person.<\/p>\n Instead of saying \u201cYou are very determined\u201d,\u2026. I feel inspired to see you in temple at 4.30am for the morning program .<\/p>\n When we put even a \u2018good\u2019 label such as determined, it either kind of creates of confusion for other person\u2026determined..?? Me?? No way!! Or kind of creates pressure of maintaining that statusquo!!!<\/p>\n Prabhu, you gave such a \u2018nice\u2019 class or you give such boring classes\u2019\u2019\u2019 can be turned into It was of great help to hear the explanation of soul with such and such example\u2026 or I noticed that you didnot make an eye contact with me and I was unable to hear you clearly from the place I was sitting.<\/p>\n Simply by stating your observation clearly without mixing your personal evaluation can also enable you giving effective feedbacks or receive feedbacks.<\/p>\n Can you observe? Can you translate a label that\u2019s been given to you into an observation? Can you specifically point out what are you upset about? If you can, then according to Indian Philospher J. Krishnamurti, you are practicing one of the highest form of human intelligence.<\/p>\n (This article is based on the combination of my experience of staying in religious community, my study of devotional texts like Bhagavat Gita, and works of Marshel Rosenberg)<\/p>\n Your Servant Let me share you two most simple yet very powerful […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":68,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-66","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogs","category-spiritual-insights"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=66"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":69,"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66\/revisions\/69"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/68"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=66"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=66"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/acmegraphix.com\/rekindlespark\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=66"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nsatya\u00e0 priya-hita\u00e0 ca yat
\nsv\u00e4dhy\u00e4y\u00e4bhyasana\u00e0 caiva
\nv\u00e4\u00ec-maya\u00e0 tapa ucyate<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nPremanjana Das
\nISKCON Punjabi Bagh<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"